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Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in damn_elijah's LiveJournal:

Sunday, April 15th, 2007
1:28 pm
hello?

Current Mood: confused
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
11:39 pm
GOOD eVeNING EVERY1~~!!!!! I hAvEE AND ANNNNOOOOUUUUUNNNNCCCCCCEEEEMENT TO MAKEzZZZ!!LOL!!!

The polarized caps are melting! And I'm working on a way so that we can ship it and ourselves to the moon. There we shall all join hands in prainse and sing as one!!!LOLzzZZ!!! KUMBAYA MY LOOORD CUMBOYA!!!! KIMBAYAMAAA!!! You GOT THE WHOLE WROOLLLRD IN OUR HANDSSSS!!!!! vrrrRRROOOOOOMMMMM!!!! GOEz THE SPACE SHIP TO THE MOOONNNNNOOOOOOOEE ** moon **!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

filmmaking. This course will cover the same poop content as the 4-week Film School, but spread your legs over seven weeks, allowing a deeper penetration students to cover the cost of their room snd board by working as one-legged prostitutes with a bad temper for pasta.
I think it's good. FANTASTICKALSSS!!!!!

chlamydia-assed rectumqueen
cheese-dicked camelhumper

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

geezzz
GOOTTTAA GOOOOOOO!!!!

Thank you for listening. My erection has been soothed.

Current Mood: Spent
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
Sunday, April 16th, 2006
3:14 pm
guns don't kill people, pornography kills people
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!! <333333

Current Mood: not even mad
7 peeked|peek under me kilt
Saturday, March 18th, 2006
2:46 pm
oh, dear LORD!!!!!!! GREAT SCOT!!!
http://www.toogoodphotography.com/gctc/pages/Kilt.htm


omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

Current Mood: squee!!
2 peeked|peek under me kilt
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
6:02 pm
OMG SCOTLAND!!!!!!
month I'd be: august
day of the week I'd be: thursday
time of day I'd be: twilight (to morning)
planet I'd be:  saturn
sea animal, I'd be: kraken or porpous the elephants of the sea
direction I'd be:  east
piece of furniture I'd be: toilet
sin I'd be: lust
liquid I'd be: grape juice 
tree, I'd be: rowan
bird, I'd be: owl
tool, I'd be: sand paper
flower/plant I'd be: mushroom
kind of weather, I'd be: fog over a lazily budding spring morn
mythical creature, I'd be: centaur or gryphin with ADD
musical instrument, I'd be: duduk
animal, I'd be: porcupine
emotion, I'd be: awe or acceptance
fruit, I'd be: mango or kiwi
sound, I'd be: the sounds of swords clanging together in a bloody battle for honor and glory
Drug, I'd be: marijuana
car, I'd be: a creepy, rusted old van 
song, I'd be: Jean, you let me get lucky with you!
movie, I'd be: the goonies
book, I'd be: voyage of the dawn treader, chronicles of narnia
food, I'd be: baked bree and honey with almonds
place, I'd be: Scotland, the entire thing
material, I'd be: plush
taste, I'd be: human
scent, I'd be: fresh laundry
religion, I'd be: Boydism
word, I'd be: mooncalf or strumpet
body part I'd be: wrist or foot/groin/hair folicle
facial expression I'd be: BLEHHH!!!
subject in school I'd be: Sexual Education
cartoon character I'd be:  stewie from family guy, or Rock Lee
shape I'd be: amorphus

Current Mood: enthralled
2 peeked|peek under me kilt
5:40 pm
Honor your cow, honor your meat.




moo

Current Mood: guilty
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
Saturday, March 11th, 2006
10:08 am
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
1:55 am
scottish men are hot.
i want one.

P.S. ZOMGMYFOXISSOCOOLILOVEHIMXAMILLION

Current Mood: scottish
3 peeked|peek under me kilt
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
9:04 am
MAKE WAY!!!!!!! I WANT A BABY FAUN!!!!!!!
Dear Santa,

I want a baby faun for Christmas. Please bring one to me. And make sure it's cute and fuzzy and warm. Thanks.

Love,
Lauren

Current Mood: hopeful
2 peeked|peek under me kilt
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
11:15 am
Has this ever happened to you?
HELP! I'M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS!

Current Mood: scared
4 peeked|peek under me kilt
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
5:33 pm
!!!!1!!1
oh mky goid. ieruahkgk.you can't!! you bitch1!! never!!
ohmygod stop looking so I can writer my fucking hjjournal iut!!~1
fguihligvDFGfOMG OGMGGOMGO:MGgomogjnvl m, dfhol,y shit!!1
[zdrlfjk;ghd/aaA"H"AHHAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
HHHHHSTOOOOOPFDSJOFFKMMAWUAA
HAHAHAHAHA;USDHASDF'AHFA"LFE?ADSJKUHASAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHA
HUHFDSIFJSFJSFEESFLIJEPEEEEENJIIIIISSSSSS
JESFSDRS'ORGD'RSIOXCM,yesopenjis iklove you!!
mmmmmmooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeee
MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEOOOOOOOOshit. nowI shave you inmy cliutchNOOOOYOURCANYTTYEEEAHAHICanyoudontwventoknowwaaahhhhhhHOPLYFUCLICANTBREATHE!

WHATSSDILOVEDONLTVHU7RTMEBABY DONT HRUTME NOMMROE

Happy Thanksgiving.

Current Mood: calm
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
5:30 pm
!!!!1!!1
oh mky goid. ieruahkgk.you can't!! you bitch1!! never!!
ohmygod stop looking so I can writer my fucking hjjournal iut!!~1
fguihligvDFGfOMG OGMGGOMGO:MGgomogjnvl m, dfhol,y shit!!1[zdrlfjk;ghd/aaA"H"AHHAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
HHHHSTOOOOOPFDSJOFFKMMAWUAAHAHAHAHAHA;USDHASDF'AHFA"LFE?ADSJKUHASAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHA
HUHFDSIFJSFJSFEESFLIJEPEEEEENJIIIIISSSSSSJESFSDRS'ORGD'RSIOXCM,yesopenjis iklove you!!
mmmmmmooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEOOOOOOOOshit. nowI shave you inmy cliutchNOOOOYOURCANYTTYEEEAHAHICanyoudontwventoknowwaaahhhhhhHOPLYFUCLICANTBREATHE!
1 peeked|peek under me kilt
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
6:25 pm
Sex me
http://umsa7.ums.edu/~anniebw/video/preflight.mov

that's fucking hilarious urination!

Current Mood: horny
2 peeked|peek under me kilt
Thursday, September 8th, 2005
8:49 pm
*le sigh* Not the same.
This year isn't the same as last year, not like I was expecting it to be though. Driving home with your mom every day isn't as awesome as rocking out to musicals down the road with your big sister (referring to myself, not you. fool). I'm going to miss that. A lot. Right when we finally sisterly bonded it's too late and one of us has to move out of the house. Of course Nikki only lives in Boston and its not like I'm never going to see her again. Its just not seeing her almost every day is what makes me feel like somethings missing. The other day I went into her room to see if I could find any cool shirts she left behind, and it hit me that she doesn't really live here anymore. I miss her. And I love her so much I'm buying the stuff for her care package tomorrow! Let it be the greatest care package in ALL THE LAND!!!!
4 peeked|peek under me kilt
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
1:10 am
Funny story, actually.
So I was eating a baby the other day (as I do occasionally) and a bit of the fragile bone snapped off and flung itself into my eye. I felt a slight pain and I instantly knew a bit of my retina had been torn. So, I went to Eye Master Roger's office and waited for an hour in a waiting room full of sight impaired senior citizens until finally they summoned me through the glass doors into the clinic. The Puerto Rican nurse led me into a dark room and shut the door where I realized Eye Master Rogers was my ninja nemesis Ninja Eye Master Rogers!

He said, "Ha! So we meet again..."

"So we do," I reply reaching for my spatula of sure destruction.

Battle cries were called! Only not, because we're both fierce fighters trained in stealth. But we did go to strike and alas Ninja Eye Master Rogers had trained a lot more since we last met and surpassed me in speed significantly. So using his uber ninja abilities he got me to sit calmly in a chair and he place diolation drops and goup in my eye. Then, the vicious attack of the green lazors in my right eye commenced. Painful green lights flashed over and over and over and over and over again until it stopped. Ninja Eye Master Rogers cackled and gave me tissues to wipe the goup from my eye.

Solemnly he told me, "You are still to weak. I'll give you six weeks to train your skills. Until then take these." he tossed me some sunglasses, "Your eyes are still dialated and sensative to sunlight. Take care of them well and don't wear contact lenses for the rest of the day." Then he flipped up and clinged to the ceiling.

I washed away the gel from my eye in the bathroom and slipped on the sunglasses. I will take good care of my eyes and in three fortnights from now, I'll be ready.


...So yeah that was my trip to the eye doctor yesterday.
12 peeked|peek under me kilt
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
12:54 am
I eat babies sometimes!
Captain's log, stardate 54324.5: Starfleet command has directed the Enterprise to initiate an online blog. My mission to obtain the desired username "witty_username" has failed. We suspect foulplay by one called "elijah". For revenge, I have chosen another identity: damn_elijah. And damn him to hell, indeed. We have engaged... the blog!

End transmission...

Current Mood: predatory
9 peeked|peek under me kilt
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